Thoughts
by IamthePhantomoftheOpera
Summary: Written for a contest hosted by Xx-Angel-of-Shadows-xX. Erik's thoughts after Christine leaves. Please R&R!


**Hi there! A week after writing this in my notebook for a contest, I am finally typing it up and posting it! I don't think it's very good-it's all over the place, but…oh well. You don't have to read it. (Sees all readers running off at the opportunity) Hey, wait! I didn't mean it! Come back! **

…

**Oh well. For those who are still here, this was written for a contest hosted by Xx-Angel-of-Shadows-xX. The contest was to write a phic based on this poem:**

"**Where do you hid, when the world deserts you?**

**When all seems lost, and despair is imminent.**

**What do you say, when the ones who have hurt you,**

**Are the ones you love most in this cruel heartless world."**

**So…Enjoy (hopefully)!**

He slid down the wall and collapsed on the floor. _She had left._ She really had. She was gone, he would never see her again. Of course, she had promised to come back, but he knew better. And besides, even if she did keep her promise, he would be dead then.

Dead…what he had been waiting for for years. With exception of a few recent months…he covered his bare face with his hands. _Don't go there._ He looked forward to death again, now. How often had he imagined closing his eyes and leaving his body to become what it looked like? And now, it would finally happen. He tried to occupy himself with these cheerful thoughts, but his mind drifted back to _her _unbidden.

_Ironic, how the one I love is the one who hurt me the most, _he thought, then shuddered. Now _that _was saying something, to have hurt him the most. _If only Javert could see me now. Crushed, completely broken. A harmless, innocent girl completed what you, in all your roughness and perversion, never could. _

He nearly smiled at that, and for a moment felt proud of her for accomplishing what Javert couldn't, though Javert had tried much harder. Then he shook his head.

_Where did that come from?_ he wondered. _Is this what it is to go completely mad? Is it thinking these strange thoughts, then wondering how you thought them? Is it this contradiction of every principal you've ever lived by? _If that was it, she most certainly had driven him mad. He had lived his entire life being very careful not to fall for anyone, and then she came along, and uprooted his entire existence. She had turned his world upside-down.

_Is that it? Waking up one morning and finding that you're a completely different person? _ If that was it, then surely he could reverse the changes, revert to his former lifestyle, how he had lived before she came. She had no idea, really, what she had done to him. She knew how he had lived, she saw his loneliness and seclusion, but she did not know that she had decreased these feelings tenfold. How warming just a small part of his cold heart had changed him completely. Because that was the thing about changing people, wasn't it-you had no idea of what they had been before. If someone had suggested, a month before he saw her, that he would be on his knees _willingly_ before a girl not even of age, he would have dismissed them as insane. And he probably would have killed the man foolish enough to address him, as well.

He groaned. He couldn't blame her for running away from a violent monster such as himself…he would never blame her for anything. But no matter what happened outside the dungeon he would die in, in a secret part of his mind, she would always be his. His Christine.

END

**So…that's that. Gosh, that looked so much longer in my notebook. Of course, that with elementary-school-spaced lines, and my handwriting really sucks…I would probably write this authors note with half a page. This took up two full pages, front and back, in my notebook. But enough about my and my suckish handwriting! No one cares anyway! I put in spaces at random times (as I'm sure you noticed) because I know that when something is just a steady stream of words, without any breaks, it gets kinda hard on the eyes. Wow…this author's note is almost as long as my story! So please, pretty pretty please, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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